Well before I start my sentiments and whining about my situation I'd like to formally open my "trying hard blog" section. I'm not really a wordy person but lately I've been into situations where I'm looking for an avenue to shoutout my rants about anything and everything under the sun. Just like the shoutouts in facebook. Only that I don't feel doing it on facebook as I don't really see it as a good avenue for me. It's not that I have against of doing that on fb but I feel it's so public that everyone knows what I'm thinking and feeling on that moment. Atleast here, indeed it's public but I have this feeling of a little privacy. Gulo ko noh!? Anyway, recently I'm going through mayhem of scenarios where I don't really know how to resolve it on my own. I have dillemas and I'm becoming indecisive. I have the feeling that I'm getting this anxiety attacks or whatever you call it.
Last June this year, I got the confirmations that I passed the audition for my most loved musical show Siddhartha the musical. I joined the production team last year which was showcased in Taiwan. This year it's more bigger as it will be done in the US this coming November. I was sooooo overwhelmed when I got the news. It was perfect as my scheduled at work is in the morning shift while practice schedule will in the evening. So it was really in the right timing. Until, my supervisor told us that our schedule will be change to evening shift. And at the time I was like whoooops! One question popped to my head: What about my practice? In a musical theater production ATTENDANCE is a MUST! and I knew that in the first place. So when I heard about the schedule change I immediately approach my sup to beg for a schedule change. He positively told me naman na he will try his best to give me a special schedule. Weeks past by, I didn't hear anything until dumating na ang kinatatakutan kong schedule changed! So I asked my supervisor, are there any other options? He said that apparently I can't be accommodated for a special schedule since the quote and quote hr raw can only accommodate students or those na my health problems. So I begged again for another try. And this time I approached our super higher person higher than my supervisor obviously, again to ask for consideration. She said, ok we will see what we can do about this. I'm like what's ok with your ok? I'm a very simple person. Just say yes or no that's it! Atleast if she say's no I can look for an option diba? This time, it didn't only take few weeks of silence meaning walang respond from her but it took months until I realized I'm already in float. Meaning, I don't know my status anymore. I have a lot of succeeding absences from my rehearsals due to my work. Not that I blame my work as I love it also but come on! I am now caught in dilemma just because nag paasa yung super higher person namin. If in the first place she told me that no we can't accommodate you for that reason. Then atleast I could have save my reputation sa theater namin same time I can concentrate on my work. I am a husband and a father on my one kid. So I have to make sure that I am juggling both my work and passion harmoniously. But at this point I feel like I'm totally lost control.
Bad idea : To resign!
Struggle idea: Apply for a morning sched shift
Effect: New job + rehearsal
But honestly I'm becoming indecisive. I don't know if my ideas are good or will just put myself into jeopardy including my financial status etc. I couldn't back out na from my theater team since I have signed a contract with them nung time na pinaasa ako with regards to schedule. I feel like I'm doomed. Next week will be our schedule for our visa application interview and yet I'm too much pre occupied pa to a lot of things. Not only I'm thinking about my work and theater but I'm also having other issues which I will post separately. So goodluck to me. May Allah give me a right decision if not right atleast I can make it right in the long run.
Oh! just an update. I just talked to my supervisor and looks like I have a clear decision already which partly relieves me :-) Hoping for the best!