I've been going through emotional distressed for the past months. Not only I'm going through hard time balancing my work and theater ( which is on my separate post ) but I'm also going through fear. My wife currently has a lump on her breast for months now. We've been planning for her check up but due to schedule, we couldn't really setup a decent appointment with her doctor.
Thing is, my mind would say, sige let's have appointment na, but my body wouldn't do it. Meaning, I feel I don't want her to go through check ups and hear what we have to know. My mom died only two years ago due to colon cancer which was very traumatic experience for me as it was abrupt and that I lost the only person in this world who I loved most. My sister would always say that I have to be strong for her and that she needs to see that in me. But I can't help it! In this situation I feel like I'm the one who's getting weak. When me and my wife talk about this, I get teary eyed and very emotional. While her, she's afraid but very strong and positive. Haaaaaaay, this trauma must banished. Besides, it doesn't help me at all or in our family. Times like this I become weak and paranoid of what will happen. I'm very positive at all times but not in this type of scenario. I keep on praying that the outcome would be good in a way that there will be miracle with Allah's help.